Articles from August 2008

Last night I had dinner with an old friend who is a very active Democrat. He has worked in politics, both on the Hill and as a volunteer for a number of campaigns, including Obama. He is very enthusiastic about the ticket he will vote for in November. We are friends, and there is an awful lot we can agree on, but I was surprised by two things:

First, I was surprised by how quickly my saying I was excited about Palin’s nomination turned the conversation ugly. His first response was, condescendingly, “would you seriously feel comfortable with her becoming president?” Now, this is a question that we should always ask about the Vice President, but I think there is also going to be an implication coming that McCain is old, and therefore more likely to die in office than other candidates. I think Palin is young and that inexperience may be the main tack that the Democrats have to take against her, especially compared with Biden’s long career in the Senate, but it is a tough line of reasoning when Obama is offering a ticket with no executive experience. Senator McCain has been forthright about his health, which is basically, good, and he is tough as nails, so it strikes me that while no one knows for whom the bell tolls, it is reasonable to expect that the man will be competently able to serve for four years. More surprisingly, this first response is the sort of knee jerk negative reaction that is not based at all on policy items and is much more representative of the Washington “politics as usual” then it is of the Obama message of Hope and Change.

Many people may choose not to vote for the McCain-Palin ticket because they will disagree on the issues, or even because they feel personally moved by Mr. Obamas way of speaking, background, intelligence and vigor. I hope that all of these people will still acknowledge that Palin’s nomination is also a sign of hope and change for our country. In her acceptance speech, Palin said the following:

And it’s fitting that this trust has been given to me 88 years almost to the day after the women of America first gained the right to vote.
I think — I think as well today of two other women who came before me in national elections.
I can’t begin this great effort without honoring the achievements of Geraldine Ferraro in 1984…
… and of course Senator Hillary Clinton, who showed such determination and grace in her presidential campaign.

It was rightly noted in Denver this week that Hillary left 18 million cracks in the highest, hardest glass ceiling in America…… but it turns out the women of America aren’t finished yet and we can shatter that glass ceiling once and for all.

That statement moved me to tears.

My own mother, a woman of Mrs. Clinton’s generation, was excited and moved by Clinton’s candidacy. It happened that she liked a lot of Clinton’s politics, but I think it was also important to her to know that someone who was like her, a woman of her generation, a woman who had been loyal to her family and worked hard to raise her child, a woman who had balanced a career and family life and made many sacrifices, could acheive so much in a national election. Regardless of our politics, her candidacy is symbol of hope for our country.

Many people may feel the same way about Barack Obama. In some way, because of his race, his upbringing, his struggles, he is “like them” more than any candidate has been before, and that means something about their own place in this great country. My grandmother, who is 85 years old, is so excited when she talks about Obama. Having lived through almost all of the 20th century, to her it is wonderful that a man who is nothing like her can make a real run for President of the United States. Regardless of our politics, his candidacy is a symbol of hope for our country.

Palin was so right to acknowledge this moment in history. Someone had to be first, and Ms. Ferraro went as far as she could at a time when women were just beginning to put themselves out there. What Mrs. Clinton has accomplished through hard work and perseverance is significant. So, here comes Sarah Palin and she is not the first woman to be nominated for the office of vice president. Palin’s nomination represents a next step, that women are and will continue to be in the mix here, and her candidacy is a symbol of hope for our country.

Back to dinner among friends: there was a moment when I almost threw my water in this old boy’s face. When he said, and my husband quite agreed, that it would be hard to be Biden in the debate because Biden is fairly aggressive and that to take that sort of tone with a woman might create some ugly sound bites or bad spin, I was outraged.

To that I say, bring it on. Senator Biden should debate the issues at stake for our country to the best of our ability. If he believes that Senator McCain will not move our country forward, if he believes that Governor Palin does not have what it takes to fill the position of Vice President, if he differs with them on how we can best help the working class, how to accomplish social justice, how to keep our country safe from Islamic extremists, how to reduce our foreign energy dependence, cut wasteful government, reach across the aisle to get things done, ensure that our children will be educated for the future, provide for our elderly, handle the mortgage crisis, Senator Biden should articulate all of his candidates ideas and he should fight hard for what he believes. There is no doubt in my mind that Sarah Palin can take it. Her record as a politician shows this, her experience as a mother shows it. In particular, as a mother of a child with Down Syndrome, she is fighting everyday on behalf of her child.

This is what mothers do. To our kids, when they need it, we are mom with a cookie and a glass of milk after school, tell us your troubles with the teacher or the playground bully and we will dry your tears. To our husbands, when they need it, we are just the same, we are warm, safe, love to come home to, we make the place that is your shelter from the cold hard world. This is an important part of our job, but at the same time we are fighting. Women were not given the rights that men have had in this country, women fought for them. When the men went off to war, women rolled up their sleeves and worked in the factories while still keeping the home fires burning. All around this country, on PTA’s, town councils and school boards the women of America are fighting for the future.

The next Vice President of the United States is going to be a heartbeat away from being President. I would imagine that for a woman or a man the White House situation room is a fairly scary place when our security is being threatened. In the primary, there were ads that asked us who we would want answering the phone in the middle of the night if something happened. So, I say, you had better debate this woman, because someday she just might be answering that phone, and in order to get there, she must be able to stand up to whatever Joe Biden has to throw at her.

I think that “I am not going to be a physically threatening or a total jerk” would be a good campaign strategy for man or woman, that “getting in some one’s face” is not well received on the national stage whomever you are debating, so I do hope that all candidates will conduct themselves with dignity, self respect and respect for their opponent. I think that we have seen this from both Senators McCain and Obama so far, and I hope that they will set a tone of civility for the remainder of the election. We all want to move this country forward, we all care about what will be left for our grandchildren, and we all want to be safe and secure today. We differ on how to accomplish this, so the candidates need to mobilize those who agree with them and convince those who are on the fence. Good debates can clarify a lot of these issues.

Softening your debate strategy because you are speaking to a woman? That scares me, that sort of attitude can seal up those cracks in the glass ceiling. A real debate centered around issues? That would be a sign of great hope and change for this country!

I’ve written about her before, here.

A mother of 5 children, pro-life, and pro-family, she seems to be everything Nancy Pelosi isn’t. But how can you be the vice-president of the US with a baby in tow?

I’d love to hear your thoughts…

In the spirit of Juris Mater’s post about her afternoon outing to the bank with children, I have another tale to tell; another piece of documentation about motherhood. Will it win me “Mother of the Year”? I highly doubt it. But will it add to the growing layers of my motherly identity? You betcha.

Just this past week my family has been at the beach, enjoying a final summer getaway before the school year begins. They live hundreds of miles away in the midwest, so this week has been a wonderful chance for us all to convene and celebrate time together as family. The beach and the pool have been popular destinations each day, along with an occasional dinner outing to a few of the local restaurant joints.

Two evenings ago, we headed out for a final dinner outing and ended up at a (thankfully) quaint restaurant, “Anchor’s Inn”. The staff was immediately friendly, the menu varied, and the atmosphere calm and relaxing. That was, until B-mama and clan arrived. T-baby immediately began screaming to locate new crayons for his placemat masterpiece. M, our oldest, (with a usually loud voice) began yelling to let us know he’d like pizza over grilled cheese. And the baby, very sweet and so little, started to squawk to let us know he was unhappy about still being in his carseat (which he seems to hate).

We managed to quell everyone’s noise and the waitress made her rounds for drink and dinner orders. She brought back the drinks and all seemed well… Until I made a quick turn from one child to another, only to completely elbow and knock over my large glass of ice water. The drink went flying and landed directly on the baby, pouring into his carseat and soaking him and his “bedding” pathetically. He subsequently screamed and the table recoiled in response. Workers sprang into action, clearing the ice and water on the floor, mopping everything, while I dashed to rescue baby J from his watery calamity. Oh my goodness!

I ran to the car to find more clothes for the sopping wet baby, only to realize I had brought a sole onesie for the poor thing. I returned to report the find, only to meet (what I felt to be) criticism for being unprepared (can you blame me–we are on vacation with a 3-wk-old!) In my sleep-deprived, hormonal state, I *almost* lost it; *almost* gave way to the waterfall of tears that threatened to pour forth…. but I didn’t.

Instead, I grabbed the onesie, my diaper bag, the baby, and my sister and headed to the bathroom to repair the damage. All was fine. The baby had dry clothes and mom’s sling for a cover, the wet clothes were dried under the kitchen’s heat lamp (!!), the floor was cleaned, the dinner was served, and we were all able to enjoy the meal together.

Will my motherly pride ever recover? Of course.
Will we venture out to dinner again as a family of 5? Not anytime soon. lol.
God bless you on this Friday!

Well my friends, if you have children that are old enough to play with little Legos, then you have probably experienced a phenomenon of a “Lego explosion” This phenomenon involves a central location where most of the little Legos are kept, probably a little boy’s room or a playroom, but – and this is the part that has mothers everywhere shaking their heads in confusion – it also involves the entire scope of the rest of the house, including the baby’s room, the kitchen, and every little nook and cranny of the family room. 

Erin wrote:

Our biggest problem area is paper– mail, bills, cards, owners manuals, newspapers, interesting magazine articles, letters, shopping lists, coupons, receipts we think we might need but really never will… all this paper seems to take over our kitchen and family room and drive me crazy. Any tips for controlling the paper frenzy?

My father in law has a saying “you take your mail, and you deal with it” — what that meant to the young adults who had come back to the nest after college was that if you mail was not off the counter by the next morning it would be thrown away! I am not a “paper person” by nature, but I really took this advice to heart, and I think that my husband and I have found a great way of dealing with our paper, so perhaps it will work for others.

We have a drawer of our living room desk devoted to mail. It used to be a basket, so if you don’t have a drawer, no worries. When I get the mail, the trash goes straight in the trash, the bills, invitations and other things go into the drawer, often unopened. I also throw in doctors receipts that my husband will need to submit at work, papers from household maintenance, anything that is going to need to get filed or dealt with.

Every (almost) Sunday night after the kids are in bed we sit down and sort through the drawer. We pay the bills, or put them back to pay the next week. We balance our check book, we look over our calendar and make any plans for the coming week or month. My husband puts the things that he needs to take to the office right into his bag. If it is not too late, I might RSVP for parties right then, too, or else I make myself a little Monday morning “to do” list.

We have a large file box (plastic, from Staples), we have moved so often that a file cabinet did not make sense for us, but we may switch over to that in the future. At the end of each Sunday meeting, there are usually two or three things that need to get filed. You can google for a list of what papers and receipts really need to get saved and which can get thrown out or shredded.

If we do our filing right then, it only takes a few minutes because the pile is always small. The bills tend to come in heavier some weeks of the month than others, but even on a busy week the process only takes about a half an hour.

Now — once this system is going it really is easy, but this may not seem helpful if you have a dining table full of mail and more mail coming in every day. Here is what I would do — make two baskets. One will be your ongoing Sunday (or some other time) meeting basket, and new mail will go in there. Into the other basket, sweep all that nagging paper that is cluttering up your surfaces. For the next few weeks, when you sit down to meeting, do the new basket first, then plan to spend half an hour sorting through old stuff. Do NOT stay up all night working on it, just do some and stop. When two of you are working, this goes really fast, I do secretarial stuff like address envelopes, open letters, etc, while my husband pays the bills online, so it all goes really quickly. If you have a super ton of paper that needs to get dealt with, you might want to tackle that basket a few extra nights a week until you get caught up, but don’t sit down to it until your other evening chores are finished, dishes, etc. Put down your knitting or other hobbies for a few days until you get it all under control, but really, it will go fast. Have a trash can right at your feet, and if there is stuff that you cannot decide about on your own, move it to the Sunday basket to discuss with your husband.

Our file box has a lot of categories, but since we bought our own house I have decided to also keep a home maintenance notebook that is separate from the file box. I keep this in another drawer of the secretary, and for now I am just tossing things that need to go into the notebook in the drawer. One quiet evening I will sit down with my whole puncher and catch up those files so that will also switch to something that just has to be maintained.

I also have a notebook for recipes that I keep on the shelf with my cookbooks, if I pull something out of a magazine, print it out or get it from a friend it goes into that notebook.

With this baby (#5), I have used one all season diaper bag the whole time and I have kept the baby’s immunization and growth record right in a pocket of that bag, and this way I don’t have to remember it when I go to the doctor. Mrs. Kennedy (the mother of John F.) kept a note card file for each of her children’s health records, which I don’t do but think is a great idea, it would be an easy thing to jot down “stomach flu” or “well visit” or “head lice” and the date, and hopefully you never need the record but if you have a child who turns out to be chronically ill, it would help, for example, a certain number of ear infections per year and you are supposed to get tubes, but in the midst of the nasty ear infected winter can you remember if your child had six or three last year, or who had what? I have a terrible memory, so a paper trail would really help.

Well, I hope that some of those are things that can help you conquer the paper trail. If Sunday night is not good for you, or if you pay the bills alone, I still think it is great to have a regular time to do it so that it will really get done.

One last thing. I can’t say that we always do this, but I try hard to remember to offer some prayers during this Sunday meeting, prayers for the activities we have coming in our week, prayers for generous hearts and good stewardship of what we have, prayers of thanksgiving that we are able to pay our bills, even on the weeks when things seem really tight or tense. This helps us to have perspective. Oh, and if your husband doesn’t want to do this with you, you can tell him that looking at the bills each month has been a reality check for me, and they say the one who pays the bills spends less, so if you do it together you will have better stewardship of your money — I go around turning off lights now like I am my own grandpa, and I love to watch the electric bill go down!

One of our readers saw the article, “Strife over shots, should our kids play together?” on the front page of msnbc. This article follows another similar article, “Vaccine-wary parents spark public health worry.” According to the first piece, the vaccine issue is now causing such heated emotions and debates that some playgroups are asking unvaccinated children to leave the group. The second article provides a bit more background information and a nice overview of the debate.

The vaccine topic has been a regular discussion in our household. Yet unlike many of the mothers interviewed for these articles, we have followed a more middle-of-the-road approach to vaccinations. Both sides seem to be full of propaganda, fear mongering, and catch-all one liners. Throughout the past 4 years, I have been at my wits end trying to discern what is true and what isn’t, trying to make the best health decisions for our children and family.

First, I have a hard time trusting anti-vaccine advocates, many of whom are very individualistic in their thinking and indifferent to herd immunity.

Scientists worry that vaccine resisters increasingly are breaching “herd immunity,” the necessary level of protection that keeps disease from spreading. When enough people in a community are immune to a disease, they provide a buffer that keeps germs from infecting those too vulnerable for vaccination, or those for whom a vaccine doesn’t work or wears off.

Some diseases, such as mumps, can tolerate a herd immunity threshold as low as 75 percent. But other, more virulent diseases, such as measles or pertussis, also known as whooping cough, require collective immunity of up to 94 percent to avoid infection, according to the federal Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. (emphasis added)

It is a fact that when we choose not to vaccinate, we are putting the community at risk. A small risk, but the risk grows with each family that makes this choice. This fact is often neglected by anti-vaccine advocates, and even if they acknowledge it, they claim that catching these diseases isn’t such a bad thing. For some measles cases this may be true, but what about other diseases like rubella–which can actually kill or permanently disable an unborn child? Even the Church (CDF) has emphasized the dangers of contracting rubella and not vaccinating against it. (See my previous blog post on vaccines.) And what about those vulnerable members of our community that are immune suppressed? Isn’t there any ethical duty to care about the herd?

On the other hand, I don’t trust the pharmaceutical industry, and sadly, I don’t always trust my doctors, who regularly try to downplay the negative individual side effects of vaccines:

The federal Vaccine Adverse Event Reporting System, a voluntary program that records bad reactions to immunizations, receives about 30,000 reports a year, with between 10 percent and 15 percent classified as serious, according to the CDC. Though rare, severe problems can occur, including serious allergic reactions, long-term seizures, coma or permanent brain damage.

That is at least 300-350 serious vaccine side effects per year. While small, this number is much higher than the number of children coming down with measles or whooping cough. In addition, both measles and whooping cough will result in a full recovery for most children. Sadly, this isn’t the case for a child with a serious adverse vaccine reaction. It is important to remember that our government has set up a national vaccine compensation system for those families injured by vaccines.

Combine these reactions with the feared, although unproven risks of disorders like asthma, attention deficit disorder, autism, diabetes, and childhood cancers, and a parent begins to worry that a shot may cause more problems than the initial sting from the needle. Are we trading measles for autism? There is no scientific proof, but my mother’s gut is loudly telling me that it isn’t a good idea to inject a child with 32 different immunizations before the age of 2 (the standard number of immunizations including boosters).

It’s a hard call, and each parent’s decision will no doubt be influenced by such things as the following: previous vaccine reactions (like most things these run in families), individual health issues, your child care scenario, and even your doctor.

In our particular case, I am most concerned with the very aggressive nature of the typical vaccine schedule. A child may receive vaccinations for up to 12 different diseases at one appointment. If my child suffers a reaction, how do I even know what shot caused the problem? This and other concerns led us to adopt the following plan.

We delay all vaccines until 4 months. We then vaccinate one shot at a time, delaying some shots until our children are older than 2. Some vaccines we choose to avoid altogether because they don’t seem worth the risk, examples of this include Hepititis B (sexually transmitted), Hepititis A, flu shots (many of which still contain mercury), and chicken pox (posing ethical issues, see my previous post). My children receive DPTa, MMR, HIB, Polio, and Prevnar.

I have worked out this alternative vaccine schedule with my pediatrician. I would highly recommend that all families find a pediatrician that is willing to listen to your vaccine concerns, address those concerns, and then work with you on a vaccine schedule that suits your individual needs. Far too many pediatricians REFUSE to listen to parent concerns, and then dismiss a parent as ill-informed or unintelligent when they have questions. Balancing the needs of the herd with the needs of individual patients is crucial here. I had to shop around for a pediatrician that would do this, and I am very pleased I took the time to do so. I know this isn’t always possible for every family, but it makes a big difference when making such difficult decisions. My doctor is willing to discuss the issue, call me back at home to answer questions, and is VERY respectful when I let him know I am uncomfortable with the regular vaccination schedule.

In the end, I don’t think there is a right answer for every child or family. I’m not a doctor, just a mom. A mom who has done her research and is trying to find a middle ground as I make informed decisions about the health of my children. Ultimately, I think it is a real shame that we have two opposing sides that can’t give us the facts without a serious spin. It is my hope that someday the medical community will at least entertain a more cautious approach to vaccine administration.

U.S. News and World Report thinks so.

But I reckon there are at least 7 Builders out there who would sorely disagree!

I have come to believe that a woman with children must undergo a certain number of incidents of public humiliation in order to truly earn the title of “mother”. I’m happy to report that we added one to our record this afternoon. I know you all can appreciate this:

We enter the doorway of a new bank, not our usual friendly bank, but foreign territory. To make matters much worse, we arrive only about 15 minutes before the close of the business day.

The double stroller containing Bella and Bean slams the thresholds of both sets of too-narrow doors. Angelina is in the Bjorn, and I’m sweaty and generally looking disheveled from my run-in with the doors.

Before I can catch my breath, Bella and Bean are screaming for lollipops (which they’ve only gotten once—kids never forget candy do they?). Angelina is stirring from her nap.

For some reason, I felt like the tellers and bank customers were particularly unsympathetic today. Do you ever feel like some places or times are worse than others for that?

We line up in what I think is the correct line. I can already tell all eyes are on us as Bella springs from the stroller and darts for the lollipop basket as I struggle to keep Bean from exiting the stroller. She quickly returns, licking one already-opened one and asking me to open another so she can eat two.

All eyes are on us. The tellers are even getting distracted, and everyone’s high-strung because it’s the end of the business day. Customers are pacing, tellers are shuffling papers as fast as they can, people are very agitated.

As I step toward a teller to confirm that we’re waiting in the correct line—heaven knows I don’t want to be waiting in the wrong line with the state my kids are in!—my cell phone BLARES like an airhorn from inside my bag in the stroller. It is set on an eardrum-shattering ring volume. Evidently, a child has reprogrammed it recently.

All eyes are on us. Nobody is concealing their glances anymore, now they’re openly watching our circus.

I race back to the stroller in time to barely miss the call, but I see it was my husband calling and quickly return his call. I had been waiting to hear from him about something important. Huge mistake.

Things begin to happen very fast. Angelina begins fussing, Bean Copperfield exits the stroller in a flash, Bella and Bean notice a small room beside us. Both run in, then Bella runs out and slams the door behind her, leaving Bean inside.

I hang up the phone immediately and try to open the door. It’s locked, from the inside. I knock and beg Bean to open the door, but I get no response.

Great.

I notify the bank officer in whose line I’m standing, and she does absolutely nothing.

I try desperately to stay cool and save face, but I’m getting worried about Bean, who won’t answer my voice on the other side of the door. I’m envisioning him electrocuting himself in an outlet, climbing onto the table and jumping off, or falling out of the window.

After 3 minutes, I cut in line and ask a teller to help me unlock the door. The tellers remind me that they’re all trying to finish doing “balance” or whatever it is that banks do at the end of every day, but one Merciful Teller comes to my aid.

My dignity is gone.

He rummages through several drawers and produces 4 baskets of keys and 7 or 8 keychains, about 200 keys total, and begins systematically trying each of them in the lock. I periodically knock and ask Bean to open the door for me. Merciful Teller hunts through other drawers for other keys and tries them. Six or seven more minutes elapse, and still no sounds or signs from Bean locked inside the room. It’s been about ten minutes, and I’m becoming a little beside myself but still trying to look collected.

All eyes on us is an understatement.

As Merciful Teller goes to look in yet another drawer for keys, I knock again and ask Bean again to open the door for mommy.

And just that easily, the door opens from the inside, and there stands Bean in the doorway, with green lollipop slobber on his mouth and collar, smiling normally and looking totally unassuming. The only item in the wastebasket in the small room is a green lollipop stick.