Articles from March 2010

I was looking for some beautiful images of Holy Week to share with our children and came across the website Joyful Heart’s list with links to many, many beautiful images. I have not reviewed any of the other content on the site, but this list, which includes images of the Last Supper, Gethsemane, the Trial, the Crucifixion and the Pieta, was exactly what I was looking for. Not all the links work, but many can be looked up by artist/title at the Web Gallery of Art.

My kids have been sick, on and off, for the entire month of march. Not all of them, but one or two at a time, and not really sick, just sort of stay in your pajamas until 11:30 and ask for toast sick. They have also been mean, tired and bickering almost constantly, and there has been a major rain storm for several days each week. March has been a bear, and I am glad to see it go.

Over the past couple of weeks, our family has been enjoying lots of quality time with our newest addition, little Caroline Rose. The older kids are having a great time playing with their baby sister, and we’re all settling into the new routines and schedules of having a newborn in the house again! Here are some random thoughts that I’ve been having:

We heard a homily yesterday that reminded us that this should be a week set a part for all Christians. We have one last push of Lent, a little more time to carefully offer our sacrifices with love, to make some extra time for prayer and to contemplate the Passion. It is particularly special this year as it overlaps with Orthodox holy week and also with Passover, so around the world people are praying this week.

Danielle Bean linked to this video, Come to Jesus, which is putting me in a contemplative mood this morning.

The world around us will not stop, but it did not stop 2000 years ago in Jerusalem, either, so we have to make the time.

Ladies, Christmas may be 9 months away, but Easter is 9 days away and I have an urgent issue. What are your creative substitutes for Easter grass? I am NOT bringing that stuff into our home for another year. Last year my five-year-old daughter wanted to stuff it into ziploc bags, put pillow cases on them and use them for her animals. I am still finding pieces of the stuff. Does anyone have an attractive substitute?

Happy Feast of the Annunciation! This morning at mass, our priest gave a wonderful homily on the beauty of this feast day, reminding us that the Annunciation is one of the great feasts in the Church year. He gave all expectant and new mothers a blessing, as well as a St. Gerard medal and a carnation. Fr. Troy also mixed in some humor, beginning his homily by saying, “You know what today is, right? Today, you officially have 9 months left to do your Christmas shopping.” His point, of course, was that we celebrate the Annunciation today because we will celebrate Jesus’ birth 9 months from today.

The day I received an email from Melanie and Hal Young was probably like any other day with 3 young boys. Except that the commonplace falls, bumps and bruises of this particular day necessitated our first ER visit (I know, not too bad in 9 combined years of little boyhood).

My two year old son Gus teaches me a lot about life. The little guy has some sensory integration issues, and the more he feels in control, the better his reaction to uncomfortable stimuli. We can sometimes avoid tears and tantrums by making him feel in control. For example, after he finishes a meal Gus hates to have his face wiped. If I give him a warm rag, and allow him to wipe his own face, he does not cry or complain. If, however, I take the warm rag and very gently rub his face to make it clean, he protests vehemently.

The trouble is, I can’t always allow him to wipe his own face. He does a lousy job, and it takes forever. Most of the time, I have to help him.

When I was on retreat last weekend, I realized that, like Gus, I am happiest with my life when I feel I’m in control. I get into a groove, run from one activity to the next, and so long as things go somewhat according to plan, I feel great about my day. For much of my life, God has handed me the washcloth and allowed me to wipe my own face, and at times things seemed so good that I even lost sight of His hand.

But things changed about five months ago. With a fourth baby, I can no longer pretend that I have control over my life. On a good day, we are just 5 minutes away from total chaos.

God has used this very challenging time to teach me about surrender. My sense of control was an illusion. My face is too dirty to clean myself. But fortunately, there’s Someone who can help, and I’m slowly learning to hand over the wash rag.

There is an important conversation about Postpartum Depression going on over at Faith and Family. I have not listened to the podcast yet, but I did read Kate Wicker’s post and I really agree with her advice. I have had postpartum depression to various degrees after every single pregnancy, so I am beginning to feel like a bit of an expert on the matter. My wise OB offered prozac, but encouraged sleep, diet, exercise and B-vitamins first, and I find that if I am able to get those things, I am able to ride out the rough times without needing medication.

For me, it really has a lot to do with sleep, so having lots of help at night from my husband is crucial (he gets the baby and changes diapers so that I can nurse and we do not co-sleep because I cannot sleep with a baby in my bed and I become severely depressed when sleep deprived), and I sleep as much as I can during the day in the early stages. I also suffer from insomnia, so a doula once advised me to start a bedtime routine while I was pregnant to help to train myself to sleep — stay away from TV at night, have some soothing tea, etc.

Getting outside helps a lot, though I seem to develop a fear of being in public when I have just had a baby, so a quite walk around the neighborhood is a good first step. It is important to me to have time alone to bond with the baby, now that I have so many other children, so I have developed a habit of going to my room to nurse alone for at least one or two daytime feedings. It is also important to have time totally alone, even just a few uninterrupted moments to shower, phone a friend, or take a walk, alone.

I also have to protect myself emotionally, so I try not to read anything really sad or draining. This meant that I could not read my brother’s book while I was post-partum — it chronicled a difficult time in the life of our family, and I knew that I was just not emotionally strong enough to go back there. My husband knows that sad news stories are not to be repeated, etc. It is pathetic to feel so fragile, but for the good of myself and my family I need to be very gentle for a while.

The greatest change for me came through advice from my spiritual director and that was to take my older children into my confidence. I have told them that my emotions get wacky after I have a baby and that I am trying hard to control them. They know to steer clear or offer to help when I am starting to seem tense. At first I felt guilty about this, almost as though it was abusive, but now I realize that I am giving them a wonderful life skill — if they have families of their own, they will live with real, complicated emotion and it is important to know how to respond to that. There are moments when a hug from a two year old can be all you need in the world, but also times when being able to ask your six year old to take the two year old to play for a few moments so that you can shower without an audience can save your sanity. If, after wards, you thank that six year old for her help, she has learned that she can really contribute to the well being of the family.

I have also learned that I have second bout of hormonal craziness when my babies wean, which mimics or extends PPD.

They say that a little bit of “baby blues” are normal, but a nurse once told me that a key sign of trouble is when things are not getting a little bit better everyday. This is really helpful advice for a new mom in general because it applies to pediatric health as well — how do you tell if your baby needs to see a doctor for his runny nose? If it is not getting better. The same is true for that funky looking cut your two year old got at the playground — not getting better? Time to call the doctor.

I’ve shared a bit more here than I intended to, it is hard for me to hold back on this subject, but I am closing comments because this is a bit too raw for me, but if you have questions or stories to share please do so over at Faith and Family Live.

-band-aids are a necessary item at all times (even in a mom’s purse!) and you can never have too many