Posts belonging to Category Motherhood and Parenting

Back at one of our yearly check-ups, I can recall the doc saying, “Oh, you don’t need to worry about night-time dryness until 7.”  ”Whew!” was my response.  We had plenty of time to get there.  I thought about the potential our family might have to write a post like this, but quickly shrugged it off saying that surely by the time it was necessary to write this post, the problem would be gone and we’d be home free.  Newsflash: We’re not.

In two shorts weeks my oldest, M, will be turning 7.  It is a magical time of boyhood full of imaginary play, toys and legos, increased reason.  I am really enjoying this phase and watching his maturity emerge.  I can’t even begin to describe the elation I feel when I’m able to sit down and have a rational conversation together.  It is one of absolute joy.  It has taken a long road to get here, still with bumps in our path, but many fewer. Thanks be to God.  Despite the increasing maturity, however, my almost-7yo is still wetting the bed.

He still wears Pull-Ups; he still leaks through almost every night; I am still washing sheets A LOT (but probably not as much as I should–I am one woman).  He’s inherited my deep circadian rhythms and sleeps like a champ.  Always has.  The one problem is that his brain hasn’t learned to shut off his plumbing while resting!  And we are all suffering through.  My main worry is he has begun to become self-conscious about the problem and ask us to help him find a solution.  We’ve also had to turn down sleepover invites because he’s embarrassed to be wearing a diaper to bed.  Poor guy!  Thankfully his younger brothers haven’t conquered it yet either, though our 3yo is dry most nights.  Sure enough, J has always been the lightest of our sleepers.

We’ve tried a few things with little to no success–reduction in fluids before bed, sticker charts for dry nights (these do nothing bc he has zero control!), waking him later before we go to bed…

The doctor has talked about putting him on a drying medicine to reduce his overall fluids, which I am adamantly against.  I do NOT want to medicate him unnecessarily, especially if there is a behavioral product that will help us.  We’ve also looked into the night-time alarms, but their sticker price has prevented us from going forward.  I’ve read mixed reviews on their effectiveness, so I’m not sure it’s worth the investment.  The kids who have done well with them seem to improve within days.  Anything that’s that good, I’m almost willing to spend any amount of money!

What to do?  Can anyone offer some wisdom on this front?  Should we go with an alarm and try it out?  And if so, which one do you recommend?

I have had several painful conversations with friends and acquaintances recently about the effects of pregnancy on our bodies. I am so saddened to watch women near tears over their weight gain and changing shape. Yes, hormones don’t make it any easier, but neither does a culture that glorifies the female body as an object, rather than celebrating the beauty of being a woman, especially when with child.

I was so angry when celebrity fitness trainer Jillian Michael told Women’s Heath Magazine about pregnancy in 2010, “I’m going to adopt. I can’t handle doing that to my body.”  What a profound disservice to women. Rather than celebrating what makes a women unique and elevates her, the ability to bear children is feared and denigrated, something to be sidestepped at all costs.

I remember my insecure days of disordered eating and excessive concern about my body.  Thanks be to God, grace, marriage and motherhood have made that a thing of the past. Counterintuitively, watching the miraculous way that my body can enlarge to cradle and care for new life has helped me escape from the culture that is excessively concerned with the superficial rather than the transcendental. As the quotation From Cardinal Mindszenty on our sidebar says, “A mother is the most important person on earth. She cannot claim the honor of having built Notre Dame Cathedral. She need not. She has built something more magnificent than any Cathedral — a dwelling for an immortal soul, the tiny perfection of her baby’s body.” What could be more beautiful than this life generating change in our bodies?

Part of the equation is an unconditionally loving, supportive husband.  I think it is Kat’s husband that always says “there is more of her to love” when she’s pregnant. And he really, really means it. It is the sweetest thing. My husband has helped me to learn that being a woman whose body changes to nurture the fruit of our love is truly beautiful.

Yet I am sometimes at a loss on how to convey this beautiful truth to other women, especially the two non Christians with whom these issues have come up (I’m not speaking of the inevitable discomforts of pregnancy, but the physical changes). They are embarrassed and insecure about their changing bodies. I try to talk about the beauty of being a woman and the great, God-given gift it is to bear children.  This is what makes women unique. It is a gift, another life. I know women who are unable to have children who ache and yearn to be in their shoes.

On another level, I also reassure them that they will want to exercise again after the baby is born. As an athlete, the freedom of movement that returns after childbirth is so liberating that I usually want to run a marathon within days of birth (even with the extra pounds). I am so sad that many feel that the miraculous changes wrought are something to be ashamed of. How do you present the dignity of the vocation of motherhood to others who do not share your worldview?

Her eyes are finally open!

Josie will be two weeks old tomorrow.  It has been a very blessed and very tiring two weeks.  Some call it a baby moon, but that term doesn’t seem to do justice to just how taxing those first few weeks can be!  It is truly the best kind of exhaustion, but we are all exhausted none-the-less, and now that I have older children, I am realizing that the postpartum time is a true transition for them too.  Two of my children have adjusted to life with Josie with nothing but joy and excitement.  The other two love their little sister but are having a bit of hard time navigating their new roles in our family.  It will take another few weeks, and I know that by February they will all have forgotten what life was like without her.

It’s funny how after delivering 6 babies I am still learning and relearning things about my postpartum self.  I had forgotten how good it feels to not be pregnant.  Those who know me well know that I suffer from great anxiety and even depression when pregnant.  I feel an intense and wonderful transition in my mood within a few hours of childbirth.  It is as if someone is pumping happy drugs into my system, a happiness that I don’t often feel when pregnant.  After my last two deliveries, that feeling of deep joy and peace was masked by postpartum bleeding complications.  This time around I got the right medical attention immediately after childbirth and so the sudden positive emotional change has been wonderful.

I am also relearning that Dad does a tremendous amount of work in the first month.  I am on night duty and nursing duty, but with each subsequent delivery staying off my feet in the first few weeks has become more important.  That means Mr. Red has to deal with all his office responsibilities during the day, and also tend to a great deal of housework, cooking, child care, and cleaning in the morning and evening hours.  He is very tired too, and it is very easy for me to forget his tiredness when the baby awoke 4 times last night.

I am also learning about jaundice in babies that arrive early, about newborn size baby clothes (I’ve never needed or owned clothes of this size before!), and about “block nursing” for women who overproduce milk.  I am relearning how good it feels to get a new pair of running shoes–shoes that will be used for running in one month!  And I am doing all of this learning while holding a sleepy newborn baby in my arms, which is really the best way to learn.

I hope your week is off to a blessed start!

There is a line in one of our favorite songs, One by U2, that goes “Will it make it easier on you now? You got someone to blame.”

I recently read the following in a wonderful book, “How to Raise Good Catholic Children” by Mary Reed Newland, in a section called “Encourage your child to offer up his sufferings”:

The beach

This morning, I am grateful for the memory of time spent together on the beach over Christmas break. While the temperature was by no means warm enough for our children to be comfortable in bathing suits, they somehow ignored the cool weather and threw themselves wholeheartedly into the task of creating a “water fort.” My husband and I sat and talked for hours, basking in the warmth of the sun and listening to the glorious sounds of the ocean.

On this morning when our family is going in many different directions, I am thankful for this memory of togetherness.

…It was so nice not to have to run out to the grocery store for breakfast essentials! Before leaving, I had purchased a half gallon of organic milk with an expiration date one month from now, so we were all set for breakfast this morning. (Organic milk seems to spoil a bit faster than regular milk once the seal has been broken, but has a much longer shelf life before opening.) I also had a loaf of pumpkin bread in the freezer that I plopped into the fridge last night, so our non-cereal lovers were able to enjoy some of that. Now if I had only remembered to buy some OJ before our trip…

Some other traveling notes off the top of my head:

-Flying Southwest was great! On-time departures and arrivals both ways were the highlight (they are very efficient!), as well as no baggage fees (we could pack a suitcase of gifts!) and a flight crew with a great sense of humor. We haven’t flown Southwest in quite a while, so maybe our experience was not the norm, but for now I have nothing but positive things to say!

-When flying a couple of days before Christmas, it is essential to make a parking reservation. I did NOT do this and we ended up having to park valet at one of the local parking lots – not a bad deal in the end (under $10 a day with the coupon), but I learned my lesson.

-Spending time with extended family is wonderful. Even though all of my parenting flaws seem to be amplified when living under the same roof as family members who only see my children a couple of times a year :), I am always amazed by the love and attention lavished upon us and our children during these times. Truly, I am very grateful to have others who can celebrate the positives in my children, and who have new suggestions on how to deal with the not-so-positives.

-Kids love the beach! Even though it was too cold to swim, our children loved playing in the sand – they actually played together for hours on end and enjoyed each other’s company. I think that the sound of the waves lulled them into a state of relaxation, and that fresh salty air caused them to sleep well at night! Maybe we need to consider a move to the coast

Happy New Year’s Eve to all of our dear readers!

I am an O- mom entering the last ten weeks of pregnancy, so it is time for my beloved Rhogam shot. For those of you who are not Rh negative, you may not be familiar with the risk associated with delivering Rh+ babies. Essentially my body is full of antibodies developed to combat any baby born with Rh+ blood. Enter Rhogam. This miraculous drug, developed just 40 years ago, is injected into my large pregnant gluteus maximus before each new baby is delivered and then again within 72 hours post-birth with an Rh+ baby. It saves these babies. They would otherwise be susceptible to brain damage, organ failure or even death.

Receiving this shot prompted me to reflect on the blood types of our three children – the first is always safe because your body has not yet generated the dangerous antibodies, but our eldest emerged O+, so my body produced the antibodies then. Number 2 is O-, so he was safe. But Number 3! He is O+ and very well might not have been born healthily without Rhogam’s protection. If I were a woman in the developing world, or a woman without healthcare coverage, this little boy could have died. He is an articulate 2-year-old with massive brown eyes and silky hair who looks and acts like his father and holds my heart in the palm of his hand.. alive because of our blessed circumstances.

Then, I found precious free time to read a National Geographic article on Brazil’s shrinking family size. This article is part of a series that the magazine is running in “honor?”/ “terror” of the milestone of Earth’s population reaching 7 billion. The author maintained a fairly neutral position on small versus large family size, but she made it very clear that Brazil’s ability to lower its national birth rate from 4.2 to 1.9 (below replacement value — cheer!) in just 40 years is viewed as a success by demographers worldwide. 1.9, hmm, 1.9 I kept thinking..  that number also would have eliminated my precious clay-faced Number 3. If I were a statistically average woman in Brazil, I never would have birthed this little guy. The article profiled woman after woman who proudly touted her tubal ligation at age 24 as a real liberation from the difficulties associated with raising more than one or two children. It was explained that two is viewed as socially acceptable only if there is one of each gender. But us!? We had that desired couple. One girl, one boy, and we went for it. We received the most precocious, big-brother-loving toddler I have ever encountered. How dare these “promising statistics” dissuade any woman from meeting her amazing third child. OK, so maybe I was taking this a bit personally, but I am an emotional pregnant woman treasuring the final months of this little guy being the baby.

Really, as my husband and I have continued to live this exhiliratingly terrifying journey of being open to life I am grateful for the gift of each new soul under our roof. I am grateful for the sledgehammers over the head like Rhogam shots and self-centered Brazilian woman for refocusing me on what a precious gift from God each of our children is.

My four children and I headed to the grocery store first thing yesterday morning to let my oldest daughter pick out her dream breakfast for her special feast day. As we were walking in, I paused for a few moments to organize my bag and get out my short shopping list. I heard my children ask “Mommy, why is she doing that?”, and I looked over to see my 6 year old daughter and my 5 year old son fixating on the cover of a magazine that filled all 10 compartments of a movable magazine rack right inside the front door. It was a common Philadelphia area magazine, but today’s cover was X rated. I’m not being overly prudish. It was really shocking. I was feeling all high on the Immaculate Conception and was completely unprepared to respond to such an assault on my children’s purity.

I ushered them along and told them I was so sorry that I didn’t protect their eyes from pictures that showed such a lack of respect and modesty.

When we returned home, once I was out of earshot of my children, I called the store’s manager to point out the prominent location of such an inappropriate image, and I asked that he move it for the sake of the other families that would visit the store. He was very gentlemanly and apologized and said he’d take care of it right away.

I called my husband and asked him to offer part of his Mass for the purity of our children, especially of my 5 year old son who is very visually oriented.

I considered discussing it with the kids at lunch, but I felt like I didn’t quite know what to say — which is quite unusual for me!

I’ve heard that these images sear themselves in the minds of young boys and can cause them real problems later, not only with pornography but with disordered desires of all kinds.

I know this is the world we live in, and I so desire, as St. Josemaria said, to passionately love the world with the heart of Jesus.  But I can’t quite shake the lump in my throat. They stole a precious little bit of our purity today, and on the Feast of the Immaculate Conception.

By trying to address the situation with my children, will I bring their attention back to an image I was hoping they’d forget? If I let it pass, am I allowing that experience to fester because it’s unaddressed or leaving them unequipped to deal with it in the future? If I do discuss it with them, how do I keep my message positive, about virtue, but also meaningful enough to help them shrug off immodesty and impurity, and without being rude?

Thanksgiving is over, and Santa is about.

We tend to be very realist; I have never been able to tell my kids with a straight face that Santa or the tooth fairy or the Easter bunny exists, even in fun. We celebrate St. Nicholas’ feast day with great devotion and excitement. The CCC St. Nicholas movie is our second favorite saint movie of all (his quote “Even if I’m the only Christian left, I will always love you” makes me cry every time and the kids crack up). And we tell the kids that people like to imagine that St. Nicholas also helps us celebrate Jesus’ birthday on Christmas Day, hence the Santa Claus tradition.

With Santa, of course I worry that if we get them believing in all sorts of fantasies that they later discover to be false, they may pull back in their commitment of faith to the other unseen things that ARE real.

But isn’t there some educational philosophy out there that encourages playing with and even believing in fairies and fairy tales in order to increase a child’s capacity to grasp the reality of heaven and the cosmic narrative of Christianity? I have been curious about that for a while but not understood it. Probably because imagination isn’t really my gift. But also I can’t understand teaching children to believe in pretend things.

Any insights?

My friends and I often joke about “mommy brain” when we say something incomprehensible, forget something important, or fail to complete a task that used to be simple for us, such as calculating a 10% tip and splitting it 5 ways at dinner, for example. I came across this article while searching for an answer to the question, “Is there such a thing as mommy brain?” The short answer is that a mother’s brain capacity is the same during pregnancy and motherhood as it was before she became a mother; however, there are reasons why women experience the symptoms often referred to as “mommy brain” or “mom-nesia.” Topping the list are factors such as lack of sleep, juggling the needs of young children, household tasks, and out-of-the home responsibilities, and a shift in priorities. When we become mothers, our focus rightly shifts to the needs of our children, and sometimes that means that our memories become fuzzier with regards to other aspects of our lives.

So, how do you combat “mommy brain”? The article suggests getting more sleep (whenever possible!) and writing things down, both of which are great first steps! If you are having trouble getting more sleep and aren’t pregnant or a mother of an infant, perhaps you could check out this great list of “sleep hygiene” tips from the National Sleep Foundation. In terms of writing things down, I never cease to marvel at the wonders of a cute new calendar or planner in getting me motivated to make lists and keep my family’s life in (reasonable) order. I have also found it helpful to make a checklist of my weekly household chores and post it in a visible spot in my kitchen. I have always been motivated by checklists, and I like to include the simple tasks (i.e. dusting and washing the towels) along with the more arduous ones (i.e. vacuuming or cleaning bathrooms) so that I get to check off more items as I go. The same theory also goes for running errands and accomplishing long-term goals, although I’m still working on the latter

Please share your memory tips with us, or any great products that help you to remain organized! While the above article focuses a lot on pregnancy, I have found my memory lapses to continue long after a baby has been born – and from my experience in talking with other moms, this is quite common. If you have any ideas on how to improve memory, that would also be greatly appreciated! For example, I went through a period when I was regularly doing brain teasers and practice math problems – I think that these mental exercises would be a beneficial addition to my daily routine.

A blessed Monday to all of you!